If you don't have children this post may keep you from ever venturing into parenthood, if you do then I'm sure you can feel my, not pain really but squeamishness.
Two true stories of diaper/pull-up's gone horribly wrong. Yesterday our one year old, who is truly a menace to a moments peace, came bearing a gift of a slightly wet and soiled diaper. Now ever since the boy learned to walk he has been into everything, let me rephrase that, EVERYTHING. So when he brought to us a dirty diaper we figured he had got into the thrash can, again. Can you see where this is going? So latter that day as I was driving to work I get a call from my lovely wife, she said she new I'd get a kick out of it and she was right, giving me the 411 on what the little munchkin had done. She said they were out in the den when he starts peeing all over the place, soaking his clothes, the floor, everything. She thinks his diaper must have malfunctioned or been overloaded, so she plops him up on the changing table, unsnaps his onesie, yes the little Houdini was wearing a onesie, and low and behold, much to her surprise the baby is diaper-less. He'd been commando the whole time, just free balling around the house.
The second story, this one involving a pull-up, isn't as funny and is quite stomach turning, at least to me since I was involved in it. My three year old is for the most part potty trained, he still has accidents at night on a fairly regular basis and so wears night time pull ups to bed. A couple of nights ago he wakes up crying and I look and see that he's drenched, his pj pants are soaked. So I tell him to come here and he kinda half awake stumbles over to where we keep the pull ups, I pull his soaked shorts and pull up down to put the dry one on and out plops a baseball size ball of poop onto the floor. EEWWWW! I was flabbergasted, I said 'Son how do you poop in your sleep? And why, oh God, is it round?'. So I wipe him, put the new pull up on him and send him to lie back down. Then I have to get a wipe and pick up the poop ball and clean the floor around said gag inducing projectile. After that my stomach hurt. I had a hard time falling back asleep, afraid I might accidentally poop my pants.
Such are the joys of parenthood.
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That is perhaps the funniest thing I have ever read! The really ironic thing about these episodes is that they happen on a fairly regular basis:) Thanks for the laughs, Hon, I feel much better now!!!
ReplyDeleteThat last one qualifies as a catastrophic poo in my book.
ReplyDeletelol
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