Broken People

I'm about a third of the way through J.K. Rowling's The Casual Vacancy it's a story of local politics, relationship politics, social injustice, and some thoroughly broken people. In one of the last chapters that I read a recovering drug addict has found out about a death in her family and it brings back memories of all the terrible things that have happened in her life, and Rowling made sure they were truly awful, all these memories come flooding over the character until it drowns all her resolve and we see her running down the street in tears looking for a fix, something to wipe away the hurt. Rowling is truly a masterful story teller, while there's not the magic of the Harry Potter world here, she still draws you in to this world she's created, you feel as though you know the layout of the town, you know the people; and when this character breaks you can't help but empathize with her.
   After reading this section of the book I had a talk with my wife, Araine, I told her that while I thankfully never went through the hell this character had, I still feel as though I'm broken inside as well. I know that there's really no such things as 'normal' and for the most part I've come to terms with my quirks of character and the things that make me different, but there are some things, some situations in which I see others behaving as complete adults that I just find myself quite unable to handle. I have half joked that the song What is This Feeling from Wicked is my introspective theme song. My childhood and my life to this point have had a few pretty bad times, nothing compared to the characters in this story, nor compared to the lives of quite a few people I know; yet when I think back on my life it is the bad times that seem to resonate more strongly. The vast majority of my life has been that of the abundantly blessed, I've always had love, safety, food, clothing, shelter, so why do the bad times stand out more, why does the broken feeling seems so strong at times? Araine said (I hope she doesn't mind me sharing this) that she too felt broken inside and that she too seemed to remember the bad things of life more starkly than the good things. So I began to wonder if that's true for all, or at least most of us; do all of you feel like you're broken people trying to make it in a world populated by "whole" people?
  To help combat this negativity I've started purposely calling to mind the good memories of my life, the times that I've felt happy and content, the times I'd never trade for anything. I have a strong affinity and interest in Zen and Taoism, although (obviously) I'm not always so good at putting these practices to good use, but as another weapon against negativity I've been trying hard to put into practice the idea of living fully in the moment, where the anxiety of the past and the future don't exist. To this end I've begun to wear my yin/yang necklace more often where I can rub the charm between my fingers like a worry stone to remember to let go of things, to pray for clarity. And while it's nothing new to me, I've come to a new realization of the power of singing to take you out of yourself, one of the reasons I love to sing so much.
    I can't wait to see how this books ends, it's building to what can only be a highly emotional climax. I'll let you know.